Napster Paradise
by Lyle Brown
Summary: Gangsta's Paradise for the Napster Community with a small skit added afterwards.


I know, I know, another "Gangsta's Paradise" parody. But what the hell, if you liked Weird Al's "Amish Paradise" and/or Paul Shanklin's "Al Gore Paradise", maybe you'll like mine! Then again, maybe you're just a very bored person who'll settle for anything. Either way, I added a small skit afterwards. See how nice I am? Or how cruel, depending on how you look at it.   
  
  


_NAPSTER PARADISE_

As I surf through a rally for the Silicone Left   
I take a look at this strife and ask who'll be the bereft?   
Cause I've been sharin' Van Halen so long   
that even YoYo Ma thinks that my mind is gone   
But I ain't never took songs from the right that deters it   
We be groovin' to your funk, that ain't so unheard of   
You wanna hear Sadie Hawkin's, Christopher Walkin   
Or you and your cronies wanna stop how we walk?   
The theme song to The Strip or your favorite soap   
I awoke my glee when I download Different Strokes, Foo!   
I'm the Mr. Ed the little Nappies wanna be like   
On my Sony day and night gettin' players for my beat, right? 

They been lendin' most their songs living in a Napster Paradise   
They been gettin' most these songs for free in this Napster Paradise   
We keep spending most our cash outside of the Napster Paradise   
We could live so lavishly inside that Napster Paradise 

Lars made a proclamation that he'd be placin'   
A big lawsuit on our life, goddam his bloody rights   
So I gotta be downloadin' faster see   
Saw on television that they're chasin' you and me   
I'm a scrawny four-eyed kid with rhythms on my mind   
Got my mouse in my hand and a streamin' PCI   
I'm a No Doubt groupie, song-stealin' man   
and my virus is tough, so don't get in my range-a, Foo!   
Seth Green singin' and I ain't got to pay   
I'm smilin' bright yo, cause it's a beautiful day   
I'm near sixteen now but will my account be no more   
the way Napster's goin' I don't know 

Tell me why can't we   
download for free   
why would Lars put us   
in jeopardy 

They been lendin' most their songs living in a Napster Paradise   
They been gettin' most these songs for free in this Napster Paradise   
We keep spending most our cash outside of the Napster Paradise   
We could live so lavishly inside that Napster Paradise 

Tower full of bit rates, bit rates in my tower,   
Minute goes to second, finished at the hour,   
Ain't nobody running, but half of them ain't readin'   
what's goin' down on the front, I doubt we're bout to beat 'em   
They say we have to earn it but Lars is so damn preachy   
If he can't stop my connection, how can he beat me   
I bet he can, but others don't, he's on the hunt   
That's why I'm hoppin' to Gnotella's truck, Foo! 

They been lendin' most their songs living in a Napster Paradise   
They been gettin' most these songs for free in this Napster Paradise   
We keep spending most our cash outside of the Napster Paradise   
We could live so lavishly inside that Napster Paradise 

Saying constantly,   
To give money,   
Put us in bars cause,   
We ain't payin' see! 

This insanity,   
is not for me,   
I'm gettin OutSkirts,   
So easily 

Ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ahhhh- 

BAM! (Door Breaking) 

VOICE   
Police! Put your hands up and step away from the Canon! 

LYLE   
Never copper! You ain't never gettin' me see! Never see never, yea! 

SHERIFF   
What are you doing, get away from that window! 

LYLE   
Viva La Napster! AHHHHH! 

CRASH (Window breaking) 

SHERIFF   
No! 

LYLE   
(From outside window)   
AHHHHH! 

DEPUTY enters the room. 

DEPUTY   
Where is he? 

SHERIFF   
He jumped out the window. 

LYLE   
AHHHHH! 

DEPUTY   
When? 

SHERIFF   
Just now. Listen, you an still hear the poor bastard screaming. 

LYLE   
AHHHHH! 

DEPUTY   
Uh, Sir? 

SHERIFF   
Yeah? 

LYLE   
AHHHHH! 

DEPUTY   
We're on the first floor. 

LYLE   
AHHHH- 

The Deputy and the Sheriff look out the window to see Lyle waving his arms in the air as though he were falling. He sees them watching him and falls to the ground, looking very much dead except for his stomach rising and falling. 

DEPUTY   
Poor sick bastard. What a way to die... 

SHERIFF   
Yeah...Dunkin' Donuts? My treat. 

DEPUTY   
Sure, let's go. 

After a few moments, Lyle gets up. 

LYLE   
Heh-heh. 

Upon re-entering his room, Lyle slips on a glass shard and hits a stray pack of Taco Bell Hot Sauce and it shoots in his eyes. 

LYLE   
AHHHHH! 

*   
A proper petite-looking ANCHOR stands here. 

ANCHOR   
That's Anchor Woman! 

...A proper and petite-looking ANCHOR PERSON stands here. 

ANCHOR PERSON   
Bastard. Are we on? Oh, uh, hmm-mm this "true story" is brought to you to identify the dangers of leaving packets of Taco Bell Hot Sauce around the house. Please, for the safety of your bad-ass criminal selves, be careful with them. 

The theme to "My Sharona" begins to play in the background and the woman gets a glazed look in her eyes, even bobbing her head. 

ANCHOR PERSON   
...MY CHALUPA! 

* * * * * 

Yeah I'm a Napster user. It's wrong, I'm aware of that. But the awareness doesn't seem to deter me from straying to the Dark Side. It's ironic. The song of which I used to parody Napster, I stole off of Napster. Huh... Ohh man! I'm usually a Vegan, but occasionally my parent's will order a pizza and I'll have some. Every time I do it's like Damn! I ain't never smelled farts this bad! Oh god damn I'm serious, these are some foul smellin' Cheese farts up in here! Be glad this wasn't a click-and-sniff story! 

Lyle Brown 


End file.
